I haven't figured out what's worse. Being in a room full of people, people I have known my whole life, people i love with all that I can give and feel like another brick in the wall watching, isolated, feeling out of my body floating further and further away or being alone in my room not knowing whether I want to punch a wall, cry uncontrollably, go for a run, run away and scream.
I haven't figured out which is worse because in either place I'm still facing my anxiety, alone. (But I did.)

I decided to let everything out to the walls.

Thick bricks held together by a thin strip of mortar; seemingly impervious.
I'm strapped to the wall eventhough it never really serving a purpose besides a punching bag.
I need help.